John Wayne and Eskimos

I went hunting a few times when I was young. It was a bad experience for me. Besides the fear and pain I inflicted  on the critters I became haunted by thoughts of mothers and fathers who would not return home to their young. Or sons and daughters that never got a chance to grow up.  Just so my friends and I could have some fun. I felt so evil. Back in 1982 I pulled up behind a trailer hauling cattle at a stop light. I looked in to the eyes of a cow staring at me. They were full of fear and dread. I never ate them again. I used to love to fish but can't anymore. They are poison because of the crap we put in our water anyway.  As time went by I became aware of the pain and suffering animals went through for us. The horrible conditions they had to endure for our table. I won't eat any of them.
When I go to the grocery store I find so little that I want to eat. We are raised to believe animals are here for us to eat. I have observed meat being stuck in a baby's mouth on many occasions. It is hard to get past it. I do wonder if kids were shown the way animals are treated and killed at a young age if it would make an impression. That stuff is mostly hidden for a reason. Going out to eat is a real chore for me. Smelling burning muscle is not pleasant. So I cook my brown rice and veggies and beans at home most of the time.
I wonder if war is because man is full of death. I wonder if we internalize all the pain and suffering and if that makes us mean and aggressive. I don't like the fact that we have to kill anything, even plants. But something tells me that eating as low as possible on the chain creates the least pain. I hope so.
When I find a bug in the house I take it outside. But what about feeding my pets or the stray animals that come around? The cat foods and dog foods? Or wearing leather. Are the synthetic alternatives any better for the environment?  Hell, my body itself is a feeding and killing ground for organisms of all kinds. This can of worms is a big one. I do the best I can. I bet John Wayne and Eskimos never had these issues.